Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Dragons Lair

Dragons Lair

Lost in a sea of darkness
Drowning in a world of despair
Floundering completely alone
Life was as a dragon’s lair

Shoved in every direction
Pushed until ripped apart
Lost without understanding
Life was as a dragon’s lair

Then came the thundering rain
A sharp chill was felt in my breast
Guilt was stoking the fire
I realized I was in a dragon’s lair

Glancing around I saw light
Wonderful covering whiteness
My body was drenched with filth
I wanted out of the dragon’s lair

A small voice screamed, “Repent”
I stared down at my filthy hands
A voice in my head said “Never”
I cried out from the dragon’s lair

Broken I screamed out
Yelled to the invisible voice
Screamed cries of repentance
I was saved from the dragon’s lair

Rain washed away every iniquity
Cleansing water filled my life
I still look down occasionally
Desiring the dragon’s lair

Climbing up while looking down
Still crying out, still being cleansed
Never completely out
Of the torturous dragon’s lair

this one, i like, but it is borderline to 100% kinda cheesy. it needs work, it needs fine tuning. i want it to have a more consistant meter, and am having trouble with that. i like the imagry in it, but it needs something more to make it a good poem.

any suggestions?

2 Comments:

At 12:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey...did you write that??? you're a very good writer if so...i mean im assuming you did but wow...very deep...i dig it a LOT! -sara delight :)

 
At 6:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i don't think it's cheesy- i like the dark imagery in it.

 

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